This was my speech at the Leukemia Society’s Team in Training’s team dinner (Sept 29, 2007) the night before the Toronto Scotiabank Marathon where I walked 21K in 3 hours and raised $15,000.
On May 2, 2007, I went for a walk after dinner and at the Starbuck’s at the end of my street, I came across these Team in Training brochures (hold brochure up) on the counter while I was waiting for my coffee. I picked one up, and when I realized that it’s the Leukemia Society, I immediately thought that this was meant to be, that I have to check this out. Then I opened up the brochure, and when I saw the picture of this girl in the middle with a bandana around her head, and her name tag says ‘Carolyn’….Now, I JUST KNOW I am supposed to do this! I have to do this even if it meant crawling half the way………..and by the way, at that point I had NO IDEA just how far 21km is!
One thing I haven’t told you yet, is that I had a bandana around my head too that night at Starbuck’s. That I couldn’t just watch TV and go to bed after dinner because earlier on that day my oncologist had just taken out my Hickman Line. And for those of you who are not familiar with what a Hickman Line is – is was a tube that goes under your skin from here (pull collar down to show scar). One end of the tube went into my main artery, and the other end hung from my chest and that’s where the hospital drew blood and gave me the chemotherapy drugs. I know it sounds gross, but it sure beats getting needles up my arm twice a day.
So, the day I learned about Team in Training and the walk tomorrow, was actually the day my 5 months of chemotherapy was officially over. It was the day my oncologist told me that I am in full remission since finding out at the end of Nov last year, after just an annual check up, that I had Acute Myeloid Leukemia.
Everything happened so fast. I had my blood test on a Monday. By Wednesday, my family doctor called to tell me that they are making an appointment for me at NYGH and that in meantime if I felt nauseous or sick or feel I have a fever that I should go to the nearest emergency room right away. I was told this over phone by my doctor’s assistant while I was driving back to the office after a meeting, and my reaction at the time was “Why!??”
The next morning, I was at NYGH for another blood test and a bone marrow aspiration. Believe it or not, I still didn’t have a clue what this all meant, and I remember saying to my girlfriend, who took the afternoon off to be at NYGH with me, “I can handle anything, just don’t let it be cancer”.
The next day the haematologist at NYGH called to tell me over the phone that I have AML and that my file has been sent down to Princess Margaret and they will be in touch with me shortly.
Truth is, I didn’t really know during the phone call what it even meant to have acute leukemia. I know, it sounds stupid now, but it didn’t even register with me that Princess Margaret is a cancer hospital. That the doctor had just told me that I HAVE CANCER. I mean, this all happened within 3 days!
It wasn’t until I went to the almighty internet after the phone call that I started to freak out. After reading all the horrible things about leukemia, I was afraid to fall asleep that night because I didn’t know how “acute” my leukemia was…..I was afraid I would just die in my sleep that night.
Looking back, I don’t know what was worse that weekend – finding out that I have acute leukemia or having to tell my brother and mom over the phone from halfway around the world that I have leukemia, because they both live in Asia. Within a few days, my family was home, and on Dec 4th, I was admitted to Princess Margaret and spent 5 weeks at the hospital for my first round of chemotherapy.
I’m not going to go into detail about my treatments, because in the grand scheme of things, all the side effects I went through were just temporary and a really small price to pay in exchange for the rest of my life.
When I first signed up 4 months ago, I did it because I thought some cosmic power brought me to Team in Training that night at Starbuck’s. 4 months later today, I can honestly tell you that this has been one of the most amazing experiences in my life. For one, I have NEVER been an athletic person before. I mean my friends used to say ‘yeah right!’ if I told them I didn’t drive somewhere….yeah, I was that bad! In fact, I am willing to bet that half of them probably have a bet going somewhere that I wouldn’t follow through with the training this past Summer because getting up to go for a walk at 8am on a Saturday morning was just inconceivable before I got sick! You may think I’m nuts, but being able to finish the 21km tomorrow is going to be a bigger achievement to me than puking through the 5 months of chemotherapy! Ha
This was the first time I have ever fundraised. From the effort I put into it, to the response I got in return and then watching how powerful it can be when a bunch of people come together towards a common goal – not just from my family and friends, but also from seeing how all of you committed and dedicated your time and energy towards helping the Leukemia Society – I feel really proud to be a part of you. And I’m extremely grateful to my family and friends, because they have collectively contributed a little over $15,000!!! Although NEXT YEAR would be the real test of their love of me!! Ha
As a leukemia survivor, not only do I hope that someday there will be a cure for leukemia, so that others like me will have the certainty that our illness will never relapse and we could live to tell what a piece of cake chemotherapy was! But more personally, I hope that one day, no parent would never have to watch their child go through what I went through like my Mom did, or have to spend even a minute of their life wondering if their child is going to die before them, and for all that my Mom went through, I just want to say Thank You and I Love You, Mom.
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Mom flew back to TO just to be here for me for the weekend!
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Finished line in sight!
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the infamous brochure
Click here to register online today at OneMatch.ca to become a stem cell donor
Filed under: Updates from Carolyn | Tagged: bone marrow transplant, Canadian Blood Services, Carolyn Tam, OneMatch, stem cell transplant | 1 Comment »